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Change your Thinking

by Dan Groteboer
Changing your thinking can change your life. 

I went for a walk with a good friend of mine last night. It was a beautiful evening, a little cool, but it was so great to be outside after a day in the office. My dog, Cody, was so happy, stopping at every tree and post!  At almost 13 years old, he was behaving like a puppy!  My friend was walking her old dog as well. We met when our eldest daughters were in Junior Kindergarten. And, somewhere along the road, we became dog people as well as life long friends.  Who knew!  We share the highs and lows of our lives, and especially the lives of our children, which seem intrinsically wrapped  up in our own.

Wrapped up is probably a vast understatement. How about immersed in their lives. The truth is that most of the time we are thinking about them, their problems, their choices and allowing them to merge with ours.  As if we get a say! As if what we think really matters!

But, we are old dogs as well, out for our walk and discussing the trials and tribulations of our children, who by the way, are young adults now.

Somewhere around the block I said, "I don't want to know anymore. It's better for me if I just don't know the details of their lives."  One of my daughters is away on a school trip, and I get text messages from her everyday and some are not exactly the kind of messages I had hoped for. She is thousands of miles away and all I can think about is if she is getting the most out of her experience etc, etc. My other daughter's boyfriend is coming to stay with us for a week. I have mixed feelings about this 5 year relationship, they're too young, they live in different parts of the country etc. etc., and you know what, it has NOTHING TO DO WITH ME!! My other daughter is having difficulties with her academics at university - and that too, is not my problem. It's not that I don't care. It's that I care too much. Somewhere along the line, my life has become defined by theirs. And, it has to stop now.

It's time to change my thinking. It's time to let them forge their own journeys and for me to support and enjoy their destinies. This is a very important shift in my mindset. I have made a promise to myself. I am going to embrace their lives and their decisions. I'm going to try not to have an opinion.  I've done a good job. They are wonderful young women, they are interesting, smart and have all the skills they need to stand on their own two feet and make their own decisions. And, I need to allow them to do so.

The most important part of this equation is what I choose to do for me; how my frame of mind can support me. The best thing that I can do for them is to live my life to it's fullest and to inspire them with my life.

Change your thinking, and change your life.  I'll let you know how I do!
Author:  Jacqui Markowitz

FHFA News Release

by Dan Groteboer




 Corinne Russell

 (202) 414-6921

 Stefanie Mullin

 (202) 414-6376




The Federal Housing Finance Agency regulates Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac and the 12 Federal Home Loan Banks.  These government-sponsored enterprises provide more than $6.3 trillion in funding for the U.S. mortgage markets and financial institutions.

What's Inside

by Dan Groteboer

You never know what’s inside of a person. Have you seen Susan Boyle on Britain’s Got Talent?

Everyone thought she was going to be a joke. They had judged her already, even the judges, before she sang a note. She didn’t look like she could sing. What was she doing on this talent show? She was a middle aged woman, with a double chin and an unfashionable dress, a mess of greying hair – what was she thinking? She had the audacity to say that her dream was to be a professional singer which was met with smirks and snickers from the audience and the judges.

And then she sang, The Dream from Les Miserable and within the first few notes, the audience were on their feet, and utter delight swept over the faces of the judges. She was remarkable. The voice of this awkward unassuming woman was brilliant. Can’t judge a book by its cover? This was a crowning example.

She is an instant star. You could say that the life of this 47 year old woman changed the moment she stepped on the stage, but really her life changed the moment that she made the decision to pursue her dream and to audition on Britain’s Got Talent.

Her success had everything to do with the frame of mind that allowed her to follow her dreams, despite her age, her appearance, her shyness, her status. She was ready to shine and embrace the passion that was living inside of her.

Wow – I’m really blown away by her courage. So many of us think we’ve missed the boat, that it’s too late for us to find success or pursue our dreams, or make changes in our lives. Thank you Susan Boyle for reminding us to go for our dreams and that anything is possible.

If you haven’t seen her performance, watch this:

I believe in dreams. I believe in the excellence that resides with each of us. Dare to dream.

Author:  Jacqui Markowitz

Sunday Morning

by Dan Groteboer

Our frame of mind has has everything to do with the results that we get.

I had the best day on Sunday! Well, it didn't quite start out that way. In fact, I woke up early and went downstairs and my kitchen was an absoltue nightmare. My children and my husband must have forgotten how to put dishes in the dish washer, and they seem to be clueless when it comes to emptying it as well. So, I walked in to a sink overflowing with dishes. I could have screamed and woken them all up and had them come downstairs, but, I decided to change my thinking. Instead I just decided to get on with the task at hand.  I unloaded, washed, loaded, swept and washed the kitchen floor, then tidied the rest of the main floor. I put in some laundry, then showered and went over to vsit my Mom. On the way home I shopped for food, and when I got home the little darlings were up! I made a lovely lunch for my family. Yes, the same ones that left their mess for me!

Everyone was home, in their pajamas doing this and that. One of my daughters asked me to help her clean her room and we took it all apart and put it back together, separating give aways and throw aways, looking at old picutres and soccer trip souveniers, reminissing and laughing. My other daughter went for a run and did laundry, and the youngest daughter was busy with a painting for school and kept coming in and out inbetween stages of her artistic endeavour to see what treasures her sister had tossed aside.

It was one of those cozy, at home days. Nobody was fighting, everyone was peaceful, content, busy and doing their own thing. 
I was happy I didn't make a big deal of the mess in the morning. I could have and I would have been justified.
But, I would have set the tone of the day in a much different way.

This story is all about the choices we make and how we set the tone for our families or our co-workers, or our employees.  I had a choice on Sunday morning. I could have spent my day being angry at my family for leaving me the mess, making me feel like thier maid, but I chose to take pleasure in the Sunday morning solitude and enjoy my day with my family. It was a much better choice. It was a much better mindset.

Set yourself up for success each day. Consider your frame of mind and make choices that are going to bring you the results that you desire. How are you going to start your day?
Author:  Jacqui Markowitz

Drive Through Please

by Dan Groteboer

Every once in a while, for a period of time, I fall into a pattern of behaviour. Particularly with respect to the way I eat. For example, I can decide that I am cutting back on carbs for a few months and eliminate all pasta, rice, bread, and potatoes from my diet. I can also decide I really enjoy having grapefruit in the morning and do it every day for a couple of weeks. I just get that way until I feel like switching it up and trying something new.

Well today was only day three of one of those new patterns. For the past two days, on my way to work in the morning, I would go through the drive-through window of Country Style and pick up a large green tea and a toasted multi-grain bagel with butter. The conversation usually starts with “Good morning, can I take your order?” 

This morning something very different happened as I approached the drive-through window. The voice coming out of the order box said “Would you like a large green tea and a toasted multigrain bagel with butter?”

I was blown away. How did she know? Could she see me? I wasn’t even at the window yet. I was in my car. Did they have a secret video device? How did she know who I was? How did she remember my order? It had only been two days.

“Yes! That’s exactly what I want. Thank you!” I looked around to notice that she could see me from the window inside the restaurant and she recognized my car. I waved and gave her a thumbs-up as a result of my excitement over her getting my order right without me even saying it.

I approached the window and saw her. She had a big smile on her face. As she handed me my order I said “You are amazing. How did you know?” 

Here’s what she said, “You ordered it two days in a row…” 

Wow. Talk about taking pride in the work you do. Talk about service. Talk about mindset. 

At the end of the day, this is a woman who serves coffee to people, through a window, yet she finds a way to make her job engaging and something that is important and enjoyable for her. This is what we teach at Frame of Mind Coaching. It’s not so much what you are doing that’s important but rather how you think about what you are doing that matters. 

A common coaching question that people ask me is how they can be happy when what they are doing is menial and unimportant. 

My answer is that importance is derived from the meaning you give to it. The woman at the drive-through counter delivered outstanding service today, made someone smile and created a blog-worthy experience. How meaningful is that? Those moments can happen anywhere, anytime, anyplace no matter what you are doing. 

Author:  Kim Ades

Displaying blog entries 1-5 of 5





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